Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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