I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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