I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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