found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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