so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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