I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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