cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My bed smells like the plague
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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