Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
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I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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