So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
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Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
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I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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