I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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