I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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