I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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