I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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