My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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