At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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