you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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