is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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