I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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