never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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