Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
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I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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