at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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