just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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