.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
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He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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