obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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