So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize