So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
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Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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