Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
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did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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