im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize