Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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