i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize