i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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