Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He better not be in your backpack
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize