your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
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today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
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Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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