There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize