yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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