we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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