I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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