Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man

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(206): i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man http://tfl.nu/40et

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(616): View more from Michigan

Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95

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(616): Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95 http://tfl.nu/2y0m

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(757): View more from Virginia

Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.

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(757): Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever. http://tfl.nu/ml9k

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(616): View more from Michigan

it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.

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(616): it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/ij8w

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(904): View more from Florida

she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"

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(904): she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs" http://tfl.nu/4385

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(419): View more from Ohio

dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"

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(419): dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault" http://tfl.nu/a193

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job

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(856): Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job http://tfl.nu/pld4

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(251): View more from Alabama

He managed to light the Jello on fire...

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(251): He managed to light the Jello on fire... http://tfl.nu/tu7i

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(770): View more from Georgia

If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.

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(770): If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them. http://tfl.nu/edqp

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(916): View more from California

He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.

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(916): He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/4abm

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(270): View more from Kentucky

So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing

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(270): So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing http://tfl.nu/i92f

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(802): View more from Vermont

I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.

(1-802): View more from Vermont

I hope you fall on your chin.

(802): View more from Vermont

Jealousy makes you ugly.

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(802): I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore. (1-802): I hope you fall on your chin. (802): Jealousy makes you ugly. http://tfl.nu/isvw

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(301): View more from Maryland

"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse

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(301): "If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse http://tfl.nu/r0b8

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(208): View more from Idaho

God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight

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(208): God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight http://tfl.nu/fm83

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes

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(970): I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes http://tfl.nu/f5p7

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