the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize