Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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