Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
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dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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