I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize