what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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