Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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