yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
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I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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