Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize