i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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