i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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