True but thats because hes a fetus.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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