Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize